Back To School

So, my blogging has been on a bit of a hiatus. My free time right now is devoted to being in grad school! The last time I attended a college level class was in the spring of 2000 and we all now how things have changed in the 13 years since. Wow, I can believe I graduated college 13 years ago.

Today I am going to point out the things that are different this time around.

THEN v. NOW

• E-mail
• THEN: I had a Catholic U email address, yet I think I checked it maybe once in my entire life at college. E-mail wasn't widely accepted yet, at least for us old folks who started college in 1995, so e-mail was a way to send funny things to your high school friends at other colleges. If you needed to talk to you teacher, you picked up a phone or meet in person. 
• NOW: College life relies on digital communication. So far I have had a handful of conversations with my professor, yet I have yet to meet him or talk to him. 

• Research
• THEN: I spent hours, HOURS doing research in the stacks of the Catholic U library, the aptly named John K Mullins of Denver Memorial Library. That place was creepy, but you would find what you needed after a few long days of reading books and finding good passages and quotes to use in a paper.
• NOW: While google and wikipedia are good starting points, it is interesting that the University of MD library system basically has every article and book on-line, so it takes me about 30 seconds for every 48 hours I spent doing research in the past.

• Classroom Experience
• THEN: I have so many stories from inside the classroom. Drinking Kahula at 7:30 am in Music History class, being told by my professor that if I was late one more time she would fail me, and that one time it was raining, and i ran to class and slid down a mud hill and showed up to class completely covered in mud.
• NOW: I log in to a website and read the material and answer some questions. My goal is to get a masters degree without every stepping foot on campus

• Clothing for class
• THEN: Showed up to class in PJs and slippers
• NOW: Log on to class in PJs and slippers

• Tests
• THEN: Spent hours playing Mario Kart, usually Rainbow Road on the mirrored track, while laying upside down and wearing 3-D glasses. And completely sober. Realize it is now 4 am and I have a test in 4 hours. Continue to play Mario Kart until about 7, Walk to the metro and study for test on the brief Red Line trip from Silver Spring to Brookland. 
• NOW: Take a test on-line. Usually open book. I think the world has grasped the fact that you dont need to memorize facts to get a grade, but rather be good at looking up the facts

• Group Projects
• THEN: Pray you dont get stuck in a group with Vivian (remember her?), spend hours calling each other to find the one hour you all have free together. Usually at midnight in someone's study bubble. Kick the couple having sex out of the study bubble and gossip for 45 minutes and do 15 minutes of actual work.
• NOW: Set up a chat room and talk to each other. Let the kid who just got their bachelors and is used to online classes take the lead and assign you work and you do your part. 

• Parties
• THEN: Throw the biggest party of the year in your dorm room (so big the campus newspaper reviews it), be known as a legend on campus, or as Dr. Denis Leary put it, an asshole. 
• NOW: It's 9:00 on a Friday night. I just finished a marathon of Storage Wars and its time to go to sleep so I can get up early on Saturday and get stuff done.

• Social Network
• THEN: Writing some crap on your neighbors white board or planning a group outing to the dining hall together. Or if the budget allows a Metro trip to Pentagon City. Why were we fascinated with that mall in college? Oh I know, there was a Best Buy, Bed, Bath, & Beyond, a Borders, and a food court. All on one Metro stop.
• NOW: Avoid being friended on facebook by your class mates, who you hope to live your life never actually meeting, despite the fact that you've worked on group projects together.

• Technology
• THEN: Using a Microfilm machine was the highest tech thing I ever did in college. I had a computer in my dorm room. Mostly to write papers and play Minesweeper. More of the latter.
• NOW: Since I started writing this blog post 30 minutes ago, technology has advanced far beyond anyone's imagination.

• Food Choices
• THEN: Chinese take out from Tsim Yung, or if feeling adventurous... making your own grilled cheese in the toaster in the dining hall (until you get banned from doing so for starting a small fire)
• NOW: How many weight watcher points is that?

Goodbye, Office

The show that always left me satisfied (that's what she said) ends it run tonight after 9 wonderful (and a few frustrating) years. This post will be all about my favorite paper company.

MY FAVORITE EPISODES (in reverse order)

• #5) CASINO NIGHT - Jim tells Pam he loves her, the office throws a casino night to benefit the boy scouts. Creed, Kevin, and Toby are all shown to be gamblers. Great moments, and a somewhat cliffhanger ending. 
• #4) GAY WITCH HUNT - We meet angry Andy Bernard for the first time. Jim is in Stanford. Michael kisses Oscar. The highlight of the show.
• #3) THE DUNDIES - The first one, not the final one with Will Ferrell. Watching Dwight and Michael do their stand up routine, seeing Pam getting drunk, Phyllis winning the "Bushiest Beaver" award (misspelled busiest)
• #2) GOODBYE, MICHAEL - the thing I love the most about this, is that it was such a nice tribute to Steve Carrell and nice throw backs to earlier episodes: Phyllis' mittens, St. Paulie Girl sign, plus the final time Michael Scott says "That's what she said"

And tied for first place....

• #1a) DINNER PARTY - Awkward, awkward, awkward.... that's all I'll say. Hunter's "One Night" song about Jan taking his virginity. Jan and Michael getting more drunk and fighting. Dwight's girlfriend / former babysitter; the first appearance of the St Paulie Girl sign. Trivia: Angela Kinsey was really pregnant during this episode, and you can tell, because she is always hiding behind something. 
• #1) THE INJURY - pure comedy. Michael burns his foot on the George Foreman grill. Love it, Dwight's head injury, Michael trying to CAT SCAN his foot. I could watch this episode 100 times and still not be sick of it.

MY FAVORITE MINOR CHARACTERS

These are the characters that appear from time to time, and none of them work for Dunder Mifflin. Easily Creed or Meredith would be my favorite background main cast characters, but these are the ones who you only see once in a while:

• David Wallace - OK, technically he is a Dunder-Mifflin employee, but he really was the "straight man" to Michael. Plus actor Andy Buckley was supposed to be a one episode character and he was so popular that he practically became a regular.
• Mose Schrute - Dwight's cousin Mose was the greatest Amish character in the history of television. Mose is the only reason why I hate Parks and Rec - because Mose is played by Michael Schur, who is the EP and creator of P&R and he couldnt do more episodes because of P&R
• Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration - It's a shame that we never saw Phyllis and Bob at home. Angela Kinsey said in a interview that she pitched an episode where the Vance's hosted a dinner party. I would have loved that episode.
• Hank - the steadfast building security guard / cafe owner. He techincally works for the building owner (and ultimately, Dwight when he buys the building) but he has some funny one liners, and the time no one remembers his name, when he has to come and unlock the building for them.

MY FAVORITE ONE TIMERS

These are the people that only appeared in one episode, so they made their impact in just one moment

• Captain Jack - the captain of the ship (and the party) in Booze Cruise. Played brilliantly by The Daily Show's Rob Riggle. And I love that he hooks up with Meredith, as a lot of people tended to do.
• Mark, the Philadelphia guy Pam interviews with - in the final season, Pam interviews for a job in Philly, and Mark the guy she interviews with is basically Michael Scott, and he does a brilliant job. Fun fact: Mark is played by Mr. Show's Bob Odenkirk, who was a finalist to play Michael Scott and according to producers, had Steve Carrell (who was in fact the second choice) turned it down, Bob Odenkirk would have gotten it. (Fun fact 2 - Paul Giamatti was Michael Scott #1 but turned it down)
• Marie, the concierge. It turns out that my favorite one timers are all played by comedy geniuses. This is played by Reno 911 star Wendi McLendon-Covey, who was also in the Paul Feig directed, Bridesmaids. I love that Michael thinks she's a prostitute.

 

BEST JIM PRANKS

Oh Dwight, you are so naive. The fact the Jim pulled so many pranks over the years added to the greatest of the show. Here are some of my favorites: (And no I didnt include the stapler in jello, since that was originally from the British Office)

• Jim frames Dwight for his murder:

• Fax from the future:

• Asian Jim:

• Pam and Jim learn Morse code:

• The list of grievances (the best being Dwight hitting himself with the telephone):

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID

These are the best "TWSS" moments from the show... (in no particular order)

• The first one: Jim says "No thanks, I'm good" (couldnt find video of it)
• Jim tries to get Michael to say it: 

•  Everyone:

•  The court reporter: 

•  Pam (on the phone):

• Dwight (with a concussion): 

• Creed: 

• Michael's final one (only one I could find - go to 3:50): 

• Michael Scott and David Brent - pure brilliance:

And as a tribute, one final TWSS (from 30 Rock - the blonde is the newly shown mother on HIMYM):

Farewell Office, I will miss you...

Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution

Family: Supposedly a daughter, Maeby

Hook-ups: Kitty, GOB's wife

Occupation: An Act-or, Analrapist: an analyst and a therapist, understudy for the Blue Man Group, High School theater director, singer (Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution)

Audition Song: "Kids" from Bye Bye Birdie; "I'm a Bad Bad Man" from Annie Get Your Gun

Secret: Never nude

• I just blue myself.
• I'll be your wingman. Even if it means I have to take a chubby. I will suck it up.
• Well, yes, but I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so now I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands."
• I can already taste those meaty leading man parts.
• Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch. Michael: Really? When did that start? Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.
• Time for me to take off my receptionist skirt and put on my Barbara Streisand in the Prince Of Tides ass-masking therapist pantsuit. 

Lucille on the Rocks

Following up on my spotlight on the Bluths, I bring you everyone's favorite boozer, Lucille...

 

Family: She doesn't care for them.

Hook-ups: Oscar

Occupation: Boozer

 

Favorite Drink: All of them

Best Quotes:

Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.  

Everyone's laughing, and riding, and cornholing except Buster.
I don't care for GOB. 

Michael, the little Korean is here, and I don't know what to do with him. At least I think it's a him. You've got to strip them down to next to nothing before you could even tell. 

What's a banana cost? Like 10 dollars? 

LUCILLE: Supposedly, Luz had to take her daughter to the hospital. That's Lupe, her sister. MICHAEL: I hope she's okay...LUCILLE: She's awful. Can barely wash a dish. MICHAEL:[chiding her] Mother.... LUCILLE: Oh, please. They didn't sneak into this country to be your friends.

I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it. 

She's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her, because she doesn't know how little I care for GOB.

 

The Book of G.O.B.

6 years after it went off the air, it is coming back! May 26 on NetFlix. Thank God it's a holiday weekend, because I'm pretty sure I will get nothing done.

Next few posts will be dedicated to a different character from the show (just like the new episodes will each be dedicated to different characters)

Can.Not.Wait.

THE BOOK OF G.O.B.

Family: (other than the main characters): Steve Holt! (son), Unnamed seal training wife (played by his then real life wife, Amy Poehler)

Hook-ups: Marta, Lucille 2, Ann (who?),  Kitty, possibly Lindsey

Occupation: Blacklisted magician, former president of Bluth Company, Hot Cops Stripper, a mole for Sitwell

Aliases: George Oscar (real name); Franklin Delano Bluth (his black puppet), Mr Bananagrabber (but he gave up the animation rights)

Signature Song: Final Countdown by Europe

THE WISDOM OF G.O.B.

Gob's wisom is legen-wait for it-dairy. Whoops wrong show... anyway, the writes of AD really should release a book of his quotes and quotes from cut scenes because he is the best written character

On being a magician:

Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money... (child looks at him)… or candy!

On race:

She's not "*that* Mexican," Mom, she's "*my* Mexican." And she's Colombian or something.

  On love:

GOB: What is this feeling?

MICHAEL: You know, the feeling that you're feeling is just what many of us call... a "feeling".

GOB: It's not like envy, or even hungry.

MICHAEL: Could it be love?

GOB: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite - it's like my heart is getting hard.

On dating older women:

LUCILLE 2: What you did to me at lunch today... You were ashamed to be with me.

GOB: No. I was ashamed to be seen with you. I like being with you.

On why he goes after the third place winner of a pageant:

First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn't date magicians. Second place is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. But third place, although a little bit plain, has super low self-esteem. So I step in and, uh, lay her crown upon my sweet head.

On life's lessons:

MICHAEL: GOB, you're going to burn through this money and have nothing, all right? 'You give a man a fish, he'll eat for a night. If you teach a man to fish...'

GOB: He'll want to use your yacht, and I don't want this thing smelling like fish.

 His daily admission:

I've made a huge mistake.